if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
