Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
PANTIES FOUND
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