Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
