she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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