Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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