It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
