just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
