even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
