I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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