In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
