She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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