If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
