a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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