Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
