We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
