Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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