she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
