i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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