every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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