it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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