I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
