pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
