i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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