I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So vagazzling was a success
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
