he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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