You smell like stripper and shame
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
