and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
