AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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