Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
