My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
