"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
