i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
