oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
