is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
