Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize