Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
