I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
