Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
