Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
