we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
