She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
