somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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