does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
