Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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