I'm so fucking centered right now
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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