Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
