when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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