i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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