you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
