He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize