Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
