If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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