Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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