She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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