Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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