I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
