Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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