i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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