I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this boner is exhausting
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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