I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We are two peas in an std pod
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
