You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
