I cockslap morals
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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