my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
