woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
