so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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