Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
