So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
