I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
