He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
