Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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