Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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