Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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