your parents love me but you hate me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
