i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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