I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
